Let’s cut to the chase here. People love to talk about annoying shit. You and myself included. Please keep in mind these are in no particular order of annoying-ness. Shall we:
1. Specific scenes in movies/TV shows. Usually having something to do with The Godfather.
“Remember that scene in The Godfather when Al Pacino and Marlon Brando are talking in those wicker chairs?”
“No.”
“Have you seen the movie?”
“I think so.” For future reference “I think so” means “NO and please do not relive the scene of a movie that I have no intention of ever sitting through. P.S. your point is already lost.”
“Okay, so, here’s what happened….”
Goddddd. Side note to the men reading: don’t ever ask a girl if she remembers a scene in The Godfather. We don’t.
2. Road construction. Oh I’m so sorry it’s so hard to drive your car rather than using your legs as transportation. Did you have to sit for longer in your motor vehicle to arrive at your destination without actually having to use any part of your very able body while workers did back breaking work in the hot sun on the side of the road to help better your commute in the future? Life is fucking hard.
3. Their new cell phone that’s not an iPhone. Ha! Please save me from having to hear the specifics of your special new device; we all know that’s just your way of trying to convince yourself you didn’t make a mistake by not getting an iPhone.
4. Which brings up another good point. Cell phone plans. Don’t even pretend to understand what any of that data package, giga mega bullshit means. You have no idea either so stop talking about your usage.
5. Dreams. People just love to share their dreams. Not gonna lie, I too am guilty of this one. Cause, really, though, listen. This is a good one. Last night I dreamed there were these guys who and a bengali tiger that they kept as a pet but then someone found out and the one guy got so nervous he shit in the tub but he didn’t care and neither did the tiger. He just kept pooping in the bathtub while the other guys fretted about getting caught and the tiger watched….
Do you see my point?
6. Groupons. If I’m ever again on a date in my life (not likely) and on said date said guy pulls out a groupon my plan is to run screaming from the restaurant. Cause let’s be honest, 2 for 1 rotisserie chicken never ended in sex.
7. The best place to go for A, B, C, or D. Really? Do you know for sure that it’s the best place to get something? Do you? More often than not these involve food. Just cause you went there once when you were fucking drunk and that goddamn taco hit the spot does not make it the best taco in the fucking universe nor does it mean I want to hear about it.
8. Directions. Probably to the best taco joint or some way around road construction. Cause here’s the thing: shut up. I’ll just use my fucking smart phone to figure out how to get there. Your arm waving in no specific direction coupled with naming random landmarks is not proving very fucking helpful.
9. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Okay, I’ll admit, it’s been years since anyone’s talked about The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo but I think we can all agree it was real fucking annoying when they did. That Stieg-what’s-his-nuts was a shitty writer and that chick was just a broken baby bird readers were slumming to save.
10. And perhaps the most annoying thing ever: Advice on places you absolutely have to visit while on a trip. Come on, we all know that guy; you tell someone you’re visiting San Francisco and are immediately ambushed by PLACES YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GO OR YOUR TRIP WITH BE TOTAL SHIT.
“You gotta try this Italian restaurant in the blah district!”
Mmmmkay but I’m gluten free and this means you’ve never ever listened to anything I’ve ever said in my whole entire life.
“You should take a group boat cruise out to the bay! So fun!”
ISH. I hate boats and people and all the things you just said. My plan is to spend as much time as I can in my AirBNB speaking to as few humans as possible. But please do let me know the next time you’re planning a trip so I can ruin it with terrible terrible ideas. You’re welcome.
