Population: Me.

Forgive me for posting about my hangover the day after I actually had it. I just couldn’t pull it together well enough to write while nursing the hangover proper. It was that bad.

For the past several years my husband and I have thrown a big party that we call the Ice Cream Anti-Social. This isn’t your average ice cream extravaganza; there are no sprinkles, no chocolate or caramel syrup, no chopped up little bits of nuts or gummy bears. No this is the real deal: all homemade ice cream, a bloody mary bar with all the garnishes you could want, a Fleet Farm trough filled with bottles of beer and wine, crockpots of chili, good people, I mean what else is there right?

That sounds fun! I love ice cream!

A coupla things:

1. It is fun. That said, I hate fun.
2. Everyone loves ice cream. Except me. It makes me bloated and thirsty and have to cough. Again, that said, this is good homemade shit. If you’re looking to be bloated and constipated and thirsty and coughing, this is for you.

Can I come next year?

No.

Why not?

Because this was the 7th and final time we’re doing this.

Whaaat?

Okay, I know you heard me. You’re only asking that question hoping that the answer will be different this time. But it won’t be. Still no. Last Ice Cream Anti-Social was Saturday.

Why?

Have you ever spent $50 solely on ice? Didn’t think so.

Also, I’m not 22 anymore, shit I’m not 32 anymore, and I can’t take the hangover that is me + 2 bottles of wine + no water + forgetting to eat (I was busy hosting) + 3am bedtime. Sunday was a total loss.

Below in mostly chronological order is what I was able to accomplish yesterday:

• Get up — barely around 11am
• Stumble around the house
• Make coffee (this was a tremendous feat and took about 45 minutes)
• Drink water
• Drink coffee
• Worry that my brain was swollen inside my head
• Worry that my brain had actually decreased in size due to dehydration
• Watch my husband clean up the house
• Text my friends complaining about how awful I felt
• Complain to my husband about how awful I felt
• Try to eat two crackers and struggle to do so
• See cat vomit on the floor and cover it with a paper towel to deal with later
• Make husband clean up said cat vomit
• Text some more
• Watch The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995
• Eat cheese
• Watch Mystic Pizza
• Have a drink and finally feel better
• Text friends to keep them updated on my hangover’s progress

Well now that I make the list, it’s not so bad. I’m starting to feel like I got a lot done. After all when was the last time you watched Mystic Pizza, huh?

Yeah but all that aside, the Ice Cream Anti-Social is the Great Minnesota Get Together.

Um. No. That’s the Minnesota State Fair. I mean it’s similar to our party but with more fat people, mouth-breathers and livestock.

So after a night that included (but isn’t limited to) face-falls (not my own), bloody towels (due to said fall), strange relationships getting stranger, a lot of conversation about the urinal in our bathroom (that’s another post all together), and lord knows what else (I can’t be in every room the whole night) I’m sorry to say #7 was it. If you missed it, too bad for you. For those of you who were there, thank you for coming, I hope it was everything you dreamed.

Again, why?

Because to quote Danny Glover, I’m gettin’ too old for this shit.